Wacoal!
Wa-huh?
Since certain body parts sometimes don't remember the exact spots (3 inches higher, please) where the good lord originally attached them, I canvassed the girlfriends this week for any 411 on STRAPLESS BRAS THAT DON'T SUCK.
There had to be a secret. If there is a magical contraption would support the girls, do the dress justice, and be comfortable, I had to have it. Way too many nights I would barely make it to the car before I was unhooking and tossing aforementioned offensive excuse for lingerie into the back seat.
I hereby submit lessons learned from this summer's search for STRAPLESS BRAS THAT DON'T SUCK:
1) Get professional help.
That's it.
Find that sweet older woman in a Nordstrom or Dillards, Macy's, what have you, with the measuring tape around her neck who knows what size you are before you even take off your blouse.
She will tell you what size you really are - not the size you thought you were for the last 30 years.
She will explain everything you ever wanted to know about why your expensive over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder is not doing you justice, and how to remedy that situation.
She will quickly and efficiently deliver a plethora of styles and models until you find the comfort level, puffiness, push-uppedness - all in the size that you should have been shopping for all this time.
And when you, a former "A" or "B", practically drop to your knees in peals of laughter because you never thought you'd hear these words in a department store dressing room (directed actually to you) ...
"I seem to have the one you like, in black, in a D cup after all!"
... she will laugh along with you (because you really are a fun person when you are topless and befuddled).
And she will laugh even harder when a 130 pound size 2 crazy woman jumping up and down in her new Wacoal grabs her by the shoulders and says, "Oh my god - I really AM a brick house! Right? Right?"
Millie, and all you ladies out there doing the deed with the measuring tape - I heart you. 32D much.
Wa-huh?
Since certain body parts sometimes don't remember the exact spots (3 inches higher, please) where the good lord originally attached them, I canvassed the girlfriends this week for any 411 on STRAPLESS BRAS THAT DON'T SUCK.
There had to be a secret. If there is a magical contraption would support the girls, do the dress justice, and be comfortable, I had to have it. Way too many nights I would barely make it to the car before I was unhooking and tossing aforementioned offensive excuse for lingerie into the back seat.
I hereby submit lessons learned from this summer's search for STRAPLESS BRAS THAT DON'T SUCK:
1) Get professional help.
That's it.
Find that sweet older woman in a Nordstrom or Dillards, Macy's, what have you, with the measuring tape around her neck who knows what size you are before you even take off your blouse.
She will tell you what size you really are - not the size you thought you were for the last 30 years.
She will explain everything you ever wanted to know about why your expensive over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder is not doing you justice, and how to remedy that situation.
She will quickly and efficiently deliver a plethora of styles and models until you find the comfort level, puffiness, push-uppedness - all in the size that you should have been shopping for all this time.
And when you, a former "A" or "B", practically drop to your knees in peals of laughter because you never thought you'd hear these words in a department store dressing room (directed actually to you) ...
"I seem to have the one you like, in black, in a D cup after all!"
... she will laugh along with you (because you really are a fun person when you are topless and befuddled).
And she will laugh even harder when a 130 pound size 2 crazy woman jumping up and down in her new Wacoal grabs her by the shoulders and says, "Oh my god - I really AM a brick house! Right? Right?"
Millie, and all you ladies out there doing the deed with the measuring tape - I heart you. 32D much.
Oh I can so relate! Hurrah for brick houses!
ReplyDeleteWhy can't that happen to me? I put on weight, but never THERE :( Lucky you!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you ladies get this ... especially when it's obvious I was "drinking and posting" again. But I have to wonder how many women really could benefit from knowing their 'true' size or how to buy these things? (Or maybe that's just one more bit of change for the clue bus everyone else had long before me, which seems to be a trend, yes?) The joke now is ... need more luggage space for the new "giant" bras - although if you see me in person, you'd die laughing. I'm the furthest thing from a brick house there ever was. Thank you for your support, ladies - get it? Support? Eh hem.
ReplyDeleteHi Valerie!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog and visiting the Follow Friday 40 and Over Blog Hop!
I am now following you!
I would also like to invite you to join the Over 40 Bloggers Club!! Take a look and join in the fun!
Have a wonderful week!!
I will definitely check it out - thank you for joining me Out of the Box as well. Looking forward to more fun with these fine ladies!
ReplyDelete