As a fitness instructor I found great pleasure in beating up instructing folks how to exercise safely. I truly believed that workouts were a celebration of movement, not torture; if you were under my tutelage, dammit you were going to have fun.
Whether you were sent to my 5AM class to improve your fitness level or voluntarily crunching your way through my Friday night Abs & Back classes - you were smiling. Why?Because your instructor was just plain nuts.
1 You have the ability to place both feet on the floor in the morning and walk into my studio under your own power. Some people don't have that gift & would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Use your gifts now as they may not be yours tomorrow.
2 Bouncing around a step or throwing punches & kicks to factory-blocked jams is WAY better than being stuck behind a desk. Right? Think about it. You could read just one more e-mail from some assjacker that makes you consider stashing a fifth of bourbon in your bottom left drawer to wash down Valium ... OR ... you could be doing squats with me. "Weight in the heels, knees behind the toes, pretend you're using the bathroom at Wal Mart but don't want to touch the seat or pee on yourself! Did I say eight more? I lied. Give me another 8 more & don't get pee on your shoes!! Whooooo!"
3 Any number of you could have chosen the treadmill over my class. Some of you may have been escaping an abusive husband, screaming kids, a toxic work environment & this may be the only hour you got for yourself all week long. My job was to put on my clean white Rykas & a smile, regardless of what kind of day I was having, learn your names, any physical modifications you would need, and turn this session into "the best choice you made all day."
I keep the many lessons I taught my students in mind these days during home workouts or Yoga sessions. Not having anyone here to motivate me is fine - I'm quite self-disciplined & motivated, and all those years of training (and associated injuries) have resulted in elevated body awareness.
But there's something to be said for taking it back into the gym or Yoga studio occasionally:
1 Ego. I'll admit it - Ego is a huge motivator. Chances are if some dude plops down on the mat next to me to start knocking out sit-ups, I'm going to do everything in my power to do more. Sit-ups used to be my "thing"and my 45-year old body is in denial that I'm no longer the sit-up goddess I once was. And ouch.
2 Safety. There are things that I just don't do very often in my home practice. Why? There's no one here to call 911 when I break my neck doing a handstand in the middle of the room or get stuck in a backbend.
3 Sweat. I'd rather sweat all over stuff at the gym than stuff at my house.
And speaking of sweat:
1! Hey, buddy! Yeah, you, the little weasel who just sweated all over the leg curl machine & didn't wipe it off! You go pull one of those little baby-wipey-things out of the handy-dandy dispenser three feet from your nose & wipe your stank off the bench. No, YOU are wrong, so don't give ME that look because I just called you out & you were raised in a barn.
2! And another thing. Why do you have this machine set to XL? My legs are a mile longer than yours & I use the "M" setting. It's called a pivot point. Great way to blow out your knees, pal. There's nothing XL about you except maybe your truck that might as well have "Overcompensating" airbrushed on the tailgate above your naked chick mud flaps.
3! Yes, the louder you grunt & the harder you slam the weights the hotter every chick in the gym gets. Especially the ones wearing make-up & bootie shorts who don't like to sweat in the first place.
See? The gym? Totally a happy place.
Peace, love, & water bottles...
Whether you were sent to my 5AM class to improve your fitness level or voluntarily crunching your way through my Friday night Abs & Back classes - you were smiling. Why?
1 You have the ability to place both feet on the floor in the morning and walk into my studio under your own power. Some people don't have that gift & would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Use your gifts now as they may not be yours tomorrow.
2 Bouncing around a step or throwing punches & kicks to factory-blocked jams is WAY better than being stuck behind a desk. Right? Think about it. You could read just one more e-mail from some assjacker that makes you consider stashing a fifth of bourbon in your bottom left drawer to wash down Valium ... OR ... you could be doing squats with me. "Weight in the heels, knees behind the toes, pretend you're using the bathroom at Wal Mart but don't want to touch the seat or pee on yourself! Did I say eight more? I lied. Give me another 8 more & don't get pee on your shoes!! Whooooo!"
3 Any number of you could have chosen the treadmill over my class. Some of you may have been escaping an abusive husband, screaming kids, a toxic work environment & this may be the only hour you got for yourself all week long. My job was to put on my clean white Rykas & a smile, regardless of what kind of day I was having, learn your names, any physical modifications you would need, and turn this session into "the best choice you made all day."
I keep the many lessons I taught my students in mind these days during home workouts or Yoga sessions. Not having anyone here to motivate me is fine - I'm quite self-disciplined & motivated, and all those years of training (and associated injuries) have resulted in elevated body awareness.
But there's something to be said for taking it back into the gym or Yoga studio occasionally:
1 Ego. I'll admit it - Ego is a huge motivator. Chances are if some dude plops down on the mat next to me to start knocking out sit-ups, I'm going to do everything in my power to do more. Sit-ups used to be my "thing"and my 45-year old body is in denial that I'm no longer the sit-up goddess I once was. And ouch.
2 Safety. There are things that I just don't do very often in my home practice. Why? There's no one here to call 911 when I break my neck doing a handstand in the middle of the room or get stuck in a backbend.
3 Sweat. I'd rather sweat all over stuff at the gym than stuff at my house.
And speaking of sweat:
1! Hey, buddy! Yeah, you, the little weasel who just sweated all over the leg curl machine & didn't wipe it off! You go pull one of those little baby-wipey-things out of the handy-dandy dispenser three feet from your nose & wipe your stank off the bench. No, YOU are wrong, so don't give ME that look because I just called you out & you were raised in a barn.
2! And another thing. Why do you have this machine set to XL? My legs are a mile longer than yours & I use the "M" setting. It's called a pivot point. Great way to blow out your knees, pal. There's nothing XL about you except maybe your truck that might as well have "Overcompensating" airbrushed on the tailgate above your naked chick mud flaps.
See? The gym? Totally a happy place.
Peace, love, & water bottles...
Laughed at this one! Precisely why I don't go to the stinky hell anymore. I'd much rather take it outside. Though I'm taking up my yoga practice again, and going to a Friday night session that's held in an art studio. Not because the guy who invited me is one of those hot climbers who's also a yoga instructor but because it's all about finding a piece. Um, I mean 'finding peace'.
ReplyDeleteNamaste, bella. And cheers!
I don't let the meatheads keep me from getting some. But I must admit, I like your "plan for peace" - now, if you can just 'keep your head in the game' next time. Start reading about Tantra, as I hope 'rock boy' has... ;)
ReplyDeleteChrist Valerie..WILL YOU SLOW DOWN FOR A MOMENT!!?
ReplyDeleteI've just parachuted into here to drop another comment off in one of your earlier posts and "KABOOM!" ... you've just nailed another new post to the Blogwall.
How am i ever supposed to catch up so I can spend some 'me' time trying to stitch something together for my own dusty, creaky old blog?
Haven't even read this new baby yet either. Like the look of your pink ankle socks though. Cute. Retirements looking good on you too by the way girl!
I'm going to read this one some other time, cos i was about to read another older one you've got collecting dust down in your blogs basement here.
And get the light fixed down there! Just stubbed my toe again. Hurts like hell!
I hate when men drop the weights and grunt extra hard just to get the attention.. kinda like the guys who have the big trucks.. ever see a guy exit one and he's short... guess that adage big truck, small ----.... guess it holds true for the guy who drops the weight and grunts? lol
ReplyDelete@Phil - I so appreciate your readership. I guess it's feast or famine w/ my posting as well. When something comes to me, I drop it. Happy to be back after a few weeks of not feeling very 'bloggy.' Of course you probably put more thought into your posts than I do - I'm merely spewing.
ReplyDelete@Chrissy - You got it. "Hey, look at me! I'm a real man." Like that's something to be proud of...good luck with the ladies ya weenies. Thanks for stopping by - I do realize I owe a lot of you some visits. xo
I'm so happy now that I have my gym at home, I can work out at any time of the day and night and there's never a wait at the machines. I had enough of al the characters at the gym, especially the women who go there for every reason under the sun except to work out.
ReplyDeleteCiao Alessandra - How lucky to have a home gym! Also agree on the 'gym bunnies' - please. There was a point at my gym in Florence where I was wondering if I totally missed out on the "sparkles & polyester" gym fad over the years. Oh - and the thong bikinis in the hot tub area. At least this gym is mostly military, and when I go mostly us 'old' retirees.
ReplyDeleteYou truly are ever so amusing, Valerie! I would have loved having you as my gym instructor...if I'd gone to gym! I'm sure I'd have lost more flab just from the belly laughs you'd have provided :)
ReplyDeleteSuch a perfect post, in every sense!
ReplyDeleteI was lamenting to a co-worker about the hell that is our job and said I was going to drown my sorrows in a greasy burger and a (couple) pint of beer. She said "I am going to Pilates. I just find the breathing and focusing on nothing but the movement helps the stress of the day just melt away..."
She was totally (annoyingly) right.
Thank you Desiree - I'm quite sure we'd have had a pretty good time while kicking any pesky flab to the curb. And laughing is part of being healthy too, right? Enjoy your day in that beautiful part of the world!
ReplyDeleteHi Robyn! A little 'anger rock' on the cardio machines never hurts to stomp out some frustrations. Or kick-boxing. Once during a Krav Maga class I got a little to excited when the instructor announced we were going to practice "groin kicks". I yelled, "Yes!!" - the dude look at me and says, "You're scaring me" - but wow, punching & kicking - GREAT stress reliever. But at the end of the day, yes, the breathing in a Pilates or Yin Yoga class does eventually lead us to Zendom. I'm glad you went with your friend instead of eating the burger. That's just like ingesting more of "their" toxic jive, however good it tastes going down...and you really do feel better after a workout than a greasy burger.
ReplyDeleteSo funny! All true! My gym closed a few months ago and I've gone from being an every day gym rat to almost nothing. Yes, of course, I've gained 5 pounds and I feel yucky about it all. I'll join another one soon but I hated losing my gym family!
ReplyDeleteI remember that post - I hope you find other things to keep your energy level up in the meantime. Yes, even the annoyances make it worth it. I think I'm still high (& a little to bouncy for the Jehovah Witnesses who just ignored the "no soliciting" sign on my front door) from my workout this morning! Have a great weekend!
ReplyDelete