Why, Mr. Ice Cream Dude? Why?
This neighborhood, while aDOREable, has teeny tiny houses. They're cute, no? Yet you'll notice they are not amenable to large families with large quantities of screaming children and yards full of brightly colored plastic junk (precisely why I love living here). Do you see children running after you? Do you see any children? No? (precisely why I love living here)
What do you see, Mr. Ice Cream Dude? Maybe a crazy lady with bare shoulders & yoga pants on her front porch. Perhaps sliding in and out of consciousness, floating on delicious late afternoon Colorado breezes, and practically licking her glass of Triennes. Maybe Oz Clarke, Grossman, or Goldstein are draped across her lap between chaptersof shit on French wines she's just going to keep forgetting anyway.
My Tinnitus is also informing me that your tinny sound system that drove all of us kids absolutely apeshit in the 60s & 70s hasn’t been upgraded since then.
Nor has your music selection.
Nor has yourpervy hooptie of an ice cream truck.
You'll be happy to know some people still love you, however. Visit Robyn over at Fojoy is Annoyed for validation. She did remind me of those upscale Chocolate Eclairs I used to crave - the ones with the dark chocolate centers. They were like a candy bar & ice cream treat all in one! Although she, like me, can't be bothered to drop what she's doing to run after you anymore either.
When you replace mass-produced over-priced frozen fat pills with lush wines or perky Martini cocktails, upgrade your tinny horn to something with the letters B-O-S-E on it, and are rolling through my hood seducing me with the contemporary stylings of James Morrison, Brendon James, or Rufus Wainwright? THEN, and only then, may I actually unass my front porch and chase after you in my flip flops waving my Visa card.
Until then, I wish you better success in a child-filled section of town ... and please stay over there.
Now I know why Booth shot the clown.
This neighborhood, while aDOREable, has teeny tiny houses. They're cute, no? Yet you'll notice they are not amenable to large families with large quantities of screaming children and yards full of brightly colored plastic junk (precisely why I love living here). Do you see children running after you? Do you see any children? No? (precisely why I love living here)What do you see, Mr. Ice Cream Dude? Maybe a crazy lady with bare shoulders & yoga pants on her front porch. Perhaps sliding in and out of consciousness, floating on delicious late afternoon Colorado breezes, and practically licking her glass of Triennes. Maybe Oz Clarke, Grossman, or Goldstein are draped across her lap between chapters
My Tinnitus is also informing me that your tinny sound system that drove all of us kids absolutely apeshit in the 60s & 70s hasn’t been upgraded since then.
Nor has your music selection.
Nor has your
You'll be happy to know some people still love you, however. Visit Robyn over at Fojoy is Annoyed for validation. She did remind me of those upscale Chocolate Eclairs I used to crave - the ones with the dark chocolate centers. They were like a candy bar & ice cream treat all in one! Although she, like me, can't be bothered to drop what she's doing to run after you anymore either.
When you replace mass-produced over-priced frozen fat pills with lush wines or perky Martini cocktails, upgrade your tinny horn to something with the letters B-O-S-E on it, and are rolling through my hood seducing me with the contemporary stylings of James Morrison, Brendon James, or Rufus Wainwright? THEN, and only then, may I actually unass my front porch and chase after you in my flip flops waving my Visa card.
Until then, I wish you better success in a child-filled section of town ... and please stay over there.
Now I know why Booth shot the clown.
Ah, Val. Your unique take on life never fails to make me smile. Great video clip of Booth.
ReplyDeleteLOL, I so agree. I have one that will top yours or be equal.. I live in a gated community now, I found it funny that an ice cream truck comes rolling thru the 'hood and there ARE no kids out!. Fool comes during school hours. wth was this jerk thinking? and how dare he sneak thru the gates when one who belongs here came thru?!
ReplyDelete@Michele - I guess if we all saw life the same way it would be extremely boring, now wouldn't it? And how cute is he?! Even when he's shooting inanimate objects. That whole "You shot a clown" stigma stays with him for seasons too.
ReplyDelete@Chrissy - See? Unless he's got some adult slushy style streets for the residents of a gated community during school hours? No idea what he's thinking. Of course when the poor dude rolled through at what used to be considered 'dinner time' (when people used to sit down to dinner around a table at an hour sometime before dark) our parents would give the guy flack. Maybe we are being too hard on ice cream dude...except for sneaking through the gates thing - we live in gated communities for a reason!
Totally with you on that, even though I do have kids. Though my ice cream truck is new, polka-dotty, and driven by a nice old grandma.
ReplyDeleteBUT I did see adult "popsicles" made with rum and fruit juice in the liquor store. Perhaps I can convince Granny IceCream to carry those??
Probably not. Guess I'll have to resort to making my own. http://athome.kimvallee.com/2009/08/ice-pops-for-grown-ups-margarita-martini-and-mojito-popsicle-recipes/
@ADoC - See - you have the dream ice cream lady!
ReplyDeleteThe guy's truck here looks like something I'd tell my kids to run away from screaming "Stranger! Danger!" like the banshees any offspring of mine would most likely be.
Will check out those boozey pops for my friends, for sure! Thanks!
Even though that horrible music does bring back many happy, running-barefoot-down-the-street memories, the smell of weed wafting from the truck keeps me away these days...
ReplyDeleteI dunno. You Yappin Yankies. Nothing like watching a bench seat full of fully growd up girly chapettes all tryin to out tongue sculpture each other, with their 99’s & a twist & flake. Gets me all in a sweat just the thought of it. Beats the bongos out of watching some sorry arsed little whining sniveller plant a big fat strawberry cone straight in its eye at its very first attempt at trying to dock it with its gob.
ReplyDeleteMy dear Father used to say of me when I was a full card carrying snotty little shit with a vanilla ‘99’ in my grubby little mit ..”If he sticks that in his ear just one more time, I’m gonna take him back to that brothel where we got him from and demand a swap”.
That clown killer film vid sounds really really exciting. I was all set with the popcorn and a double ice cream twister with extra fries, to spend the evening chillin out in front of the telly watching your Booth boy there, ‘one eight seven’ Mr Clown. Cept it’s only available to view if you’re a ‘Merican’ livin in the good ol U.S. of Merica. Duhh. So you’ll just have to give me the short synopsis part later. Something like “…and then he dies in the end”.
There ya go…even saved you the bother.
Hope its raining really hard out there. P.
@Robyn - Really? Weed wafting out of the ice cream truck? See, now that I'm all edumacated on weed (see last post) I'm wondering if he offers some kind of frozen brownie ball delight!
ReplyDelete@Phil - Ya threw me, Bish Bash Bosh! I thought - whomever this is sounds a lot like Phil. Has he got a new blog? Is he having an identity crisis?
Bummer you couldn't see the clown vid - basically my (hawt) FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth, in a fit of frustration whilst trying to have a cell phone conversation with his office, silences the ice cream truck's din by firing off a few rounds into the clown head/speaker system atop the ice cream truck. He finishes his cell phone conversation and then realizes what he did was probably (ya think?) a bad thing.
No he doesn't die at the end.
Yes, it's raining, but not hard enough to keep my garden watered for free. Could use a bit more - Colorado is a bit "flammable" right now!
I know those ice creams that you're talking about!! I LOVE those! And there were strawberry ones too... the same but strawberry flavored instead of chocolate (I'm sure you caught that when I said 'strawberry ones'). Now I want one!
ReplyDeleteYes! The strawberry one was called "Strawberry Shortcake". They were my favorites, but some of the most expensive things on that truck. I wonder if they still make them - I could even go for one right now.
ReplyDeleteYep. Good Humor - THAT was our ice cream guy! http://www.goodhumor.com/IceCream/Bars.aspx All others were imposters.
ReplyDeleteOkay then "Maam Yes Maam!" No fly's in your facecream then are there!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the film narrative. Sounds way too complex and serious a plot for my brain cell though. I'll have to re read your word things up there a few more times before i start to get the gist of it. But 'Ta' anyways Maam.
Been meaning to lod this link over to you for ages, although I think you may have already bombed it sometime ago - http://www.effingpot.com/slang.shtml
It'll help you to understand better what I is actually gobbing on about.
Annnnd...when you do...perhaps you could drop me a quick line and let me know too please. Ta.
So glad its raining. Just like it is over here. Just saw one of my two pussy cats swim past the top of the window, take a big deep breath, and make a frantic dive down underwater in the general direction of the cat flap in the back door. I'd better go and give him a big squeeze then. Get all that water out of him. P.
LOL. Clearly the guy has done NO market research to determine where his market is. I am picturing your vision of his new and suggested enterprise and cannot stop laughing.
ReplyDelete@Phil - Thank you for the guide to British slang. Much of it I remember from living over there (and Hugh Grant films) - but you do drop some occasional good ones for me to look up. "Waffle Becky" I found interesting, and "Sweet F A". Learned the true British meaning of 'Bugger' when my workmate shocked his fellow church-goers with "look at those little buggers playing!" about the little children - oopsie. And when our secretary ounce said, "I'll pop round and knock you up in the morning!" it sunk in that I had much to learn about the English (which American is NOT) language! It was in the Tower of London's loo when my boy-toy didn't tip the attendant we learned "Wanker." Although "Todger" I learned from you, M. Chestnuts.
ReplyDelete@Trininista - Haven't seen/heard him around lately. Maybe he found a better location. But wouldn't that be something? A rolling wine bar? No drinking and driving! Although there are two ice cream trucks that would be AWESOME to try one day:
New York's http://www.biggayicecreamtruck.com/about/
and http://eatcoolhaus.com/austin/products/ in LA/Austin, TX/New York-Hamptons
I only saw an ice cream truck once while growing up, in Las Vegas. All our ice cream treats back in Alaska came from 7/11; no music or running screaming children... though from the sound of your post that's probably a good thing.
ReplyDeleteThough I must say I rather enjoy the fruit/veggie equivalent they have here in Italy. You know the little trucks that rumble around the neighborhoods with a microphone shouting out incomprehensible words? One of them out by the beach was pretty clever though, everything rhymed: Se frutta fresca volete comprare, solo Giuseppe si puo' dare!
Yeah - the Good Humor truck was the 'real' one - the other ones seemed kind of ghetto, but as kids we didn't care. As an adult trying to enjoy a quiet summer afternoon, the noise is awful. Thankfully haven't seen/heard the guy in weeks. Gotta admit, Haley - missing me some good gelato! Every day I'd walk to my favorite or find new gelateria for just a small scoop - so I know you're in heaven where you are! Haven't found anything close to real gelato here - or as I said about several brands I've recently purchased: "There's nothing gelato about this gelato."
ReplyDeleteLove the rhyme - now, I will bust a rhyme in response to Guiseppe's fruit rap: "Come vorrei Giuseppe fosse qui! Comprerei frutta fresca da lui!"