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When Smoke Detectors Fight Back

The third time I saw a Vegas area code turn up on my cell phone I decided to answer it ... and promptly wish I'd ignored it like the previous two times.  These calls are only slightly more annoying than the chirping smoke alarm I was in the process of disassembling to replace the top-secret hidden battery.

 Vegas-based-pushy-salesperson-from-unnamed-hotel-chain (702):  Hi! I was just calling to thank you for being one of our valued members and would like to offer you a getaway deal.

Smart-ass-Colorado-based-smoke-detector-killer (Me):  Who are you again?

702:  I'm calling from <insert hotel chain here> and if this is your cell phone I apologize and will try to make this brief.

Me:  OK. <insert sound of beating smoke alarm on kitchen island here>

702:  We'd like to offer you a mini-vacation for two to Las Vegas!

Me:  Oh, no thank you.  I used to live in Vegas.  Not my idea of a vacation.  So you must be the one who's been calling my cell and not leaving messages all weekend.

702:  I totally understand as I live here myself.  So how about a weekend in Orlando?

Me:  No, thank you.  My parents live there.  I don't care much for Florida either and their state bird the Palmetto Bug which is nothing more than a giant flying cockroach.

702:  We also have a getaway to Myrtle Beach?

<insert sound of beating smoke alarm with cell phone here>

Me:  Again, no, thank you.  I just moved here from the Carolinas two years ago and am perfectly happy never to see them and cockroaches again.  Particularly the North one.  Honestly, I just got back from a cruise and 17 days of vacation.  I'm happy staying home for a while.

702:  But these prices are really great and I'd love to get you into one of these getaways!

Me:  I told you I don't want to "get into" anything and I don't need a getaway and I really don't care what you want because it's all about me and what I want.  But thank you. Again.

702:  You don't have to take them right away, but I'd love to get you locked into one of these deals.

Me:  Once again, I have no desire to be "locked in" to anything (she obviously doesn't know me) and I have no desire to go anywhere that caters to tourism, or anywhere at all right now, for that matter.  But I assure you, when I travel, you are my first choice of hotel.  For now.

So much for not taking up much of my time.  Back to my 9-volt mission which has become less annoying than what I saw in a Virginia wine store last week:

AND speaking of #NoThankYou ...


WTF

Didn't we go through this last year?  Makes me want to beat my head against an incessantly chirping smoke detector.





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Comments

  1. Sara LouiseDecember 5, 2011 at 10:43 PM

    That chocolate wine looks vile! VILE!
    And even though the salesmen definitely wasn't getting anywhere, I think he sealed his fate with "locked in". Who the hell wants to be locked into anything, anywhere?? x

    ReplyDelete
  2. the fly in the webDecember 6, 2011 at 6:23 AM

    Mother, 96, likes an old fashioned roast dinner...but her smoke detector was so sensitive it blasted off every time, summoning the fire brigade.

    Her cleaner e mailed me last week. She came at lunchtime to find mother happily roasting and no sign of the firemen.

    How come?

    I took the battery out....these things ruin your life.

    How at 96 she managed to get up on the table, balance on her zimmer frame, unscrew the thing...and find the battery while up there.... I have no idea.

    I just wish she'd passed on that talent to me...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Val December 6, 2011 at 7:12 AM

    @Sara - That milky stuff DOES look vile, doesn't it? *sigh* and I wish they would quit doing this stuff and calling it "wine." As for that sales person, we deduced it was most likely a scammer pretending to be from the hotel chain & I couldn't have been happier to frustrate them and waste their time.

    @Fly - At 96? That's awesome. I had to download instructions from the internet because I couldn't read the badly copied ones the builder included with the house. Turns out it's quite easy ... after a few swigs of wine everything becomes more clear, apparently.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Samantha DuganDecember 6, 2011 at 8:34 AM

    Oh I hate to tell you, that chocolate shit is taking off! So gross and so far removed from anything wine drinkers want, which is why I wish they would stop trying to sell it as a wine. Call it an alcoholic beverage and be done with it. I just feel so bad for the people that buy that crap to give or bring to a dinner....ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Val December 6, 2011 at 9:02 AM

    Sam, it doesn't surprise me. Pair with Jersey Shore marathons and bring Cheetos to room temperature before serving.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Michele | Cooking At HomeDecember 6, 2011 at 12:21 PM

    You made the case, perfectly, for not picking up unknown phone callers--no matter how many times they call!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Val December 6, 2011 at 1:10 PM

    The fact they don't leave a message is a clue they aren't legit also. But like I said, listening to them get more frustrated over the phone with my smart alecky responses was kind of fun. I know. I'm mean.

    ReplyDelete

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All entries are strictly observations from my point of view. This blog is not intended as professional commentary on travel, wine, food, or any other subjects I discuss - it is for entertainment, an online journal, for my friends, family, and anyone interested in my stories or journey in general.

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