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Blueberry Mantra


There are those mornings one wakes up in a puddle of drool refreshed and determined to get the day going in the right direction.  A little yoga, some green tea, and a giant honkin’ bowl of granola, fresh berries, and yogurt.
Photo Credit

NOTE: My spoons have all taken a vote.  If it’s not thick like spackling compound it’s not yogurt & they won't play.

Such was this morning.  The tea kettle was starting to whistle, and I was being carried around the kitchen on a wave of post-Yoga bliss - that stoned feeling of euphoria-meets-mellow.  I didn’t even jump - just observed - as the blueberries themselves made a collective decision to jump.

I watched in fuzzy slow motion as the new carton of berries hurled itself toward the floor and broke open to free the blueberries.

NOTE 2:  Free the blueberries is not to be confused with “Free the Grapes” which advocates against archaic liquor laws that “protect” consumers in backward-@$$ states (like my home state of the people’s republic of PA from which I’ve since defected) from the evils of direct shipping & consumer choice.  

Back to the blueberries  I was less appalled by the liberated blueberries and mess all over my kitchen floor than I was by the one fugitive berry that escaped under the stove.  However, I could still hear the “MotherFuqr” escape my lips.  Nice – my first words of the day after “Om.”  I should be careful as to never chant “OmMotherFuqr” in a Yoga studio, yes? Because it will surely be in my head.

I gracefully grounded myself onto the hardwood floor as if I were in a sunny field of blueberries and assumed the position of Blueberry-Picking-UpAsana.  I decided to make it into a meditation of sorts. Look at me!  I'm picking fresh blueberries (off my floor...dipstick).

Now I’m meditating on retrieving that rogue blueberry from under the stove – maybe after I finish my green tea. I'll pretend I'm bravely retrieving an ancient treasure that contains the secret of life! 

Of course we all know the secret of life comes in a bottle...

OmShantiMotherFuqr.
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Comments

  1. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    Perhaps another session on the mat? one in which you don't 'OmMothrFuqr' ?

    Although it does have a certain ring to it...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Val January 25, 2012 at 2:45 PM

    Just trying to practice my Yoga "off the mat." Way harder than it sounds, yes? Namaste, bella!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Val January 25, 2012 at 2:49 PM

    PS - @ADoC - I can't comment on your blog for some reason. 1) Glad we both used the term "mother" in aggressive context today. 2) Thanks for the reminder to run that "rip-a-lady" (that device that rips hair out by the roots that the laser missed) over my gams today. Loved your last two posts, however, blogger is being a "mother" & not letting me comment on yours.

    ReplyDelete
  4. B To The ThirdJanuary 25, 2012 at 3:30 PM

    Those look like chocolage covered blueberries in the photo...mmm.
    Namaste MotherFuqr

    ReplyDelete
  5. Michele | Cooking At HomeJanuary 26, 2012 at 4:26 AM

    I rather like your new mantra.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Samantha DuganJanuary 26, 2012 at 8:38 AM

    Or you could leave it there and post monthly updates, from the vantage point of Mr. Motherfuqr Berry, you know like a guest poster. This is what my life has become?! I now see rogue fruit as possible blog ideas....need to check into getting one of those life thingies everyone keeps talking about.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Val January 27, 2012 at 10:15 AM

    @B To The Third: Mmmm - chocolate covered blueberries. NamasteMotherFuqr right back atcha. (No wonder I just lost a Yoga follower on twitter... :P)

    @Michele - Hello, lovely. Just one of those observations when people who live alone realize - "Really? My first words of the day?" I haven't mumbled the F-word before 10AM (usually upon receipt of an asinine e-mail) since before I retired.

    @Sam - Shhh - it's still under there. Exactly - I'm blogging about a fucken blueberry; remember this time last year it was a fishtank & a juicer when I was in Florida with the parents? (Stay tuned for some more of that from the land of the Pink Flamingo & 2-for-1 Turtles & Sweatshirts) next month. #TheWritingWellRunsDry.

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousJanuary 28, 2012 at 5:54 PM

    Too funny, that's exactly what I use too. Talk about pain! And yes, obviously my writing well as run dry too. Oh well, off to use the Epi-Pain-er. I have a "date" tonight and I suppose I should make more of an effort this time.

    No idea why you can't comment over at my place. Very odd.

    Need to go drink before I rip. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Val January 29, 2012 at 7:57 PM

    Pain - schmain. I actually enjoy it - but then again I think the dentist drill tickles & usually giggle my ass off when they drill.

    Will try your place again this week. Drink & rip, sister; drink and rip! Hugs ~

    ReplyDelete
  10. Carol E WyerFebruary 4, 2012 at 2:35 AM

    I am adopting your chant to see me through the most stressful days as I shall think of you and giggle each time I say it. By the way-is that posture achievable? I have a funny feeling I would need more than granola and berries to get into it-or more appropriately-out of it.
    Off to chant - it beats muttering.
    Great post funny lady!
    XXX

    ReplyDelete
  11. Val February 4, 2012 at 9:55 AM

    Oh how I've missed you & welcome back to connectivity (no thanks to BT). Actually, Carol, that pose is achievable (ask my hips) - preferably in a hot studio after much warming up & practice. Thanks for stopping by! I've enjoyed your last two as well, but found it more efficient to give you a shout out on twitter or fb than wading through dozens of other comments. I'm all about 'express blogging' these days. xo

    ReplyDelete

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All entries are strictly observations from my point of view. This blog is not intended as professional commentary on travel, wine, food, or any other subjects I discuss - it is for entertainment, an online journal, for my friends, family, and anyone interested in my stories or journey in general.

Therefore, I reserve the right to delete comments for any reason, including those that are malevolent or inflammatory toward myself or other commenters.

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